Emerge

This weekend I went with my friend Amanda to Emerge, a womens retreat in Walnut Creek, California. I was not sure what I was expecting because it was put on by a church I had never heard of and put on by people I had never met.

When I was in HS I was very involved in church, I was entwined...or so I thought...with God. I won the Christian Leadership Award when I was in only 8th grade. I sang in the choir, I was in the S.A.L.T leadership, I lead bible studies, I was in the VBC leadership and I spent every minute I could in church. It was my escape, my refuge. But slowly, over the years, I lost my sight on God and became focused more on everything and everyone else. Little did I know that would emotionally break me time...after time...after time. I was broken inside and I had no intention of ever allowing myself to fix it. Or allowing God to fix it.

So I walked into this conference with Amanda and I sat down and immediately met some of the nicest, most welcoming people I have met in a long time. I immediately felt welcome and accepted and I had not known these women for more than a few minutes. As the weekend went on, I finally allowed myself to let go, and let God. I cried for the first time in ages and wasnt ashamed of the tears rolling down my cheeks. I became Gods daughter again, His follower. I finally surrendered myself to Him again and on Saturday night experienced the most amazing awakening, where I felt that God was talking to me, telling me it would all be okay, to have faith in Him and everything will work out. And for the first time in years, I felt at peace.

I came out from this conference a different woman than from when I went in. And for that I will be forever grateful.

"For with God nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37

God

I found my old bible today and am going to a womens retreat this weekend with a friend of mine. I used to do bible study with a boyfriend of mine who passed away and seeing this bible has brought back a lot of memories. Especially when a book marker fell out. Reminders like these are not coincidence.

"I hope you come to find that which gives life a deep meaning for you.
Something worth living for
Maybe even worth dying for.
Something that energizes you
Enthuses you,
Enables you to keep moving ahead.

I can't tell you what it might be
That's for you to find
To choose, to love
I encourage you to start looking
And support you in your search."

Used with permission of Marryknoll Sisters of St. Dominic.

Also there were a few highlighted passages that do nothing but encourage me, and make me want to push forward in my life.

"In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." Proverbs 4:3:6

"This I declare, that He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; that He is my God and I am trusting Him." Psalms 92:91:2

God is good for all He does, all He withstands and all He brings to life.

Thank God...for God.

Re-post from Facebook

The girl on the side of the road with her dog...

I was driving home through Vallejo, then American Canyon before I stopped for coffee in the Napa Junction shopping center. I have been shaking my head and silently grumbling about the sudden growing amount of homeless people on each corner near where we live. I usually shake my head as I pass them and not look their way because it makes me uncomfortable deep down inside. It always has and I am sure it always will. Growing up where I did, in teeny tiny Clayton, homeless people were never seen unless we ventured into S.F or the worse parts of Concord a.k.a behind Staples on Treat.

So on my way home today I passed a girl, who was close to my age, sitting on the side of the road with a dog and a sign, "Traveling...broke...please help". I sat there, at the red light, not looking like I always do but the dog...and the girl my age...I looked and my heart broke. All I could think of was what I was going home to. A house, a husband who loves me, a dog who is fed and has warm blankets, the warm fresh clean clothes I had put away earlier...and I couldn't look away. Instead of going straight home I made a left, and turned into the Safeway parking lot. I walked along the pet food isle, trying to find some cheap dog food and when I couldn't find any cheap dog food I went and got what I myself needed and went to the register. Standing there I listened to people bitching about the weather, yelling at their kids for walking too slow and people rushing through the store as if their pants where on fire I could not help but think of the girl on the side of the road and her dog. As I pulled my ATM card out I remembered that I had a $20 bill. So I put the card away and pulled that out. I payed for what I needed and stuck a five in my pocket before putting my wallet back into my purse. As I made the round about way of leaving the parking lot I looked on the side of the road, and the lady and her dog were still there. So I pulled out onto the highway and looked at the light, it was red. Rolling down my window I waved her over and handed her the money I had stuffed into my pocket. She couldn't even look at me as I said, "Good luck" and drove off.

Could I afford to give her my money...to be honest no...did it make me feel good to give her money? To be honest? No because I wish I could do so much more for her and the dog. Do I feel satisfied? No...not really. I feel sad that she has to spend the night on the streets with her dog as her comfort. It got me thinking about how many people are out there, begging for money, panhandling for a few dollars. No matter what their situation is no one should have to live that way.

So here I sit, in my warm house, with my husband that loves me, my dog curled up against me, FRIENDS on my T.V and food in my tummy and I cant help but think about the girl, on the side of the road, with her dog.